The excuse

What are worse than real breakups? Breakups without explanations that are filled up with disappointments and letdowns.

There's no warning. It's usually when things were getting good, he slows down. You know it's happening, but you choose not to believe it.

You make excuses for him when all that you really do is lying to yourself. "He's busy", "He's tired". You want to stop but you can't.

The hope is still there. And that what makes you want to still give it a try.

Then, just like that, he's gone. No explanation, nothing. It makes you wonder, "Am I not worth it?" You think you deserve an explanation.

And when you reach this point, you're the crazy one. You try to move on but with no closure, no event to blame it on, it's bloody difficult.

The wonder what went so wrong drives you crazy. You reread all the conversations you had with him, you want to know what was your fault/s.

You read countless articles that say it's not you, it's him. You go asking for your friends to convince you that you did nothing wrong.

But do you? If you did nothing wrong, why it keeps happening? There must be something wrong somewhere with you.

The saddest part is, you won't be able to get it over until you meet someone new. And the hanging kills you inside.

You envy those in actual defined relationships. Relationships that at one point, both of you believed that they were worth it.

There was time invested and feelings shared. And there can be a cause attributed to the break up. He cheated, he found someone else, etc.

At very least, there was a definitive "I want to break up" from one or both of the members in the relationship. And you want that. A reason.

You long for that simple cause and effect. You want to be done with what did you do, what did you say, why do you suck so much.

Sure, it's the easiest way out. But it's disrespectful and insulting. It makes the receiver feels humiliated and worthless.

It's not a boy/girl thing; it's just not something a human should do to another human.

If you cared about the person enough to invest even the slightest amount of your time, give them the explanation that they need.

Give them something to blame it on for their own sanity. And you won't feel so guilty too, that's for sure.

Some things are better left untold and unexplained but some people crave for that explanation; of what they did wrong. Let them have it.
-AB