I lived in a peculiar world, she said, in a place where reality ends and fiction begins. Maybe that's why I love you. -Michael Faudet

The excuse

What are worse than real breakups? Breakups without explanations that are filled up with disappointments and letdowns.

There's no warning. It's usually when things were getting good, he slows down. You know it's happening, but you choose not to believe it.

You make excuses for him when all that you really do is lying to yourself. "He's busy", "He's tired". You want to stop but you can't.

The hope is still there. And that what makes you want to still give it a try.

Then, just like that, he's gone. No explanation, nothing. It makes you wonder, "Am I not worth it?" You think you deserve an explanation.

And when you reach this point, you're the crazy one. You try to move on but with no closure, no event to blame it on, it's bloody difficult.

The wonder what went so wrong drives you crazy. You reread all the conversations you had with him, you want to know what was your fault/s.

You read countless articles that say it's not you, it's him. You go asking for your friends to convince you that you did nothing wrong.

But do you? If you did nothing wrong, why it keeps happening? There must be something wrong somewhere with you.

The saddest part is, you won't be able to get it over until you meet someone new. And the hanging kills you inside.

You envy those in actual defined relationships. Relationships that at one point, both of you believed that they were worth it.

There was time invested and feelings shared. And there can be a cause attributed to the break up. He cheated, he found someone else, etc.

At very least, there was a definitive "I want to break up" from one or both of the members in the relationship. And you want that. A reason.

You long for that simple cause and effect. You want to be done with what did you do, what did you say, why do you suck so much.

Sure, it's the easiest way out. But it's disrespectful and insulting. It makes the receiver feels humiliated and worthless.

It's not a boy/girl thing; it's just not something a human should do to another human.

If you cared about the person enough to invest even the slightest amount of your time, give them the explanation that they need.

Give them something to blame it on for their own sanity. And you won't feel so guilty too, that's for sure.

Some things are better left untold and unexplained but some people crave for that explanation; of what they did wrong. Let them have it.
-AB

What am I to you?

Sebab last awak call tadi, my heart still beats for you. Only you sayang.

Mak aku pernah cakap. Lelaki sekarang ni takde la nak pandang rupa sangat kat perempuan ni. Lelaki lagi suka perempuan yang independent tahu buat kerja2 rumah pastu boleh bahagi masa dengan kerja dengan anak lagi. Mak la cakap.

Mee goreng

Dua benda je yang aku buat sekarang.

Sama ada aku buat semua benda gila-gila,
Untuk lupakan dia.
Atau aku selalu termenung,
Sebab teringatkan dia.

Hari ni termenung terkantoi dengan Myra.
"Teringat kat Syah ke?" kata dia.

Terus aku senyum hambar. Dan mee goreng yang aku makan ni apesal ntah terus rasa tawar. =|

Mimpi lagi

Orang kata kalau kita mimpi pada seseorang tu, itu tandanya dia tengah rindu kita.

Jadi nak tanya ni, awak ada rindu saya ke awak?

Hahahahahhaha.
Woi, kau kata nak move on Amirah!

*tampaq diri sendiri 5 kali*
Tolong, hadapi realiti.

History

Otak aku dah mula create satu folder baru. Aku namakan folder tu History. Aku paste semua benda yang ada kamu. Dan aku simpan jauh. Cukup jauh untuk buat aku tak cari lagi.

Ceritanya sekarang otak dah boleh move on. Hati, kau bila lagi?

Hati

Aku baru dapat baki hati aku hari ni. Aku bagi dua tahun lalu. Dia baru pulangkan tadi. Sekarang biar aku simpan dulu hati ni. Takut kalau sakit lagi.

Tapi kalau awak ubah fikiran, nah sy bagi lagi. Saya dah cuci. Harap perasaan tu masih sama lagi.

Kau tahu perasaan tu?
Bila kau kawan, tapi laki tu confess kata suka kat kau.
Dari sem 1.
Ahh jem.

21 tahun.
Apa yang aku betul betul rasa?

Sepatutnya dah banyak benda yang aku dah capai.
Sepatutnya aku mungkin dah boleh banggakan mak abah aku.
Sepatutnya lah.

Tapi aku masih macam ni.
Rasa perempuan paling useless pon ada.
Hahahah.

Sebab aku berkawan dengan ramai orang.
Ada yang tengah belajar.
Ada yang dah kerja.

Mungkin aku ni tengah envy tengok orang yang dah kerja kot.
Dah boleh pegang duit sendiri dan buat apa sekalipon sendiri.
Dah boleh berdikari la maksudnya tu.
Aku ni masih lagi duduk bawah ketiak mak abah.
Tak kemana.

Kahwin?
Gulp.

"Awak, Ramadhan dah nak habis dah"
"So?"
"So let's say goodbye to dates and let's get married"

-gila amirah ni. Senyum sorang2.

Kahwin

Kahwin akan jadi topic paling viral untuk anak2 mak ngah dan pak ngah tahun ni oh yeah.
Sebab memang next in turn kami ni haa. Belah mak and abah. Dua2 kitorg yang next.
Dan seperti kebiasaannya lah. Jawapan mak ialah. Diorang belajar lagi.
Oh sebenarnya mak tak kasi kahwin lagi. Kata dia kalau nanti dah ada cucu rasa macam tua.
Haha. Well, dia kan baru 44. Hahah. Pfft. Tak tahu la apa motif nak post ni. Mungkin sebab bosan tahap melampau kot.

I choose to hold you in my dream.
For in my dreams, you have no end.

Terima kasih untuk hari ini.
Drive pergi balik 2 jam hanya untuk jumpa 1 jam.
Have I gone mad?

Tapi sejak bila sy jd pendek?
Kita bukan sama tinggi ke?
Hahaha.

Nak tido mimpi indah2 malam ni.
Okbai.

Terima kasih sebab selalu ada.

Dan.
Congratulations on your job.

I haven't tell you this, but my Mom wish you good luck and pesan simpan duit banyak-banyak. Dia kata nak kahwin nanti mahal.
Ok dah itu aje.

Sometimes you just can't tell someone how you feel,

you can never really find the right words to make them understand.

Emm.

I Love You. ?

If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied with comes to you, marry him. If you do not do so, there will be trials in the earth and a great deal of evil.
- Al-Tirmidhi

Kalau setiap laku dah halal, kan lagi indah?
Okay, tetibe nk nyanyi lagu na na na bila sudah suka.

Say something

Say something I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one if you want me to.
Anywhere I would've followed you.
Say something I'm giving up on you.

And I, feeling so small.
It was over my head, I know nothing at all.
And I, will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl.

And I, will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love,
And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere I would've followed you.

Say something I'm giving up on you.
Say something.

Senyum

Senyum.
Kan sedekah.

Selagi mampu.
=)